Over the last several months as friends and family discover that we intend to adopt, they sometimes get this wide-eyed look and say something like, “Oh, why do you want to do that?” Then they realize what they said and try to mediate their initial gut-reaction with a more pleasant, “That’s great! I don’t think I could ever do that, but that’s great!” The phrase they often leave off of the end is “That’s great – for you – but not for me!”
These comical reactions give away a person’s perspective on the whole adoption thing but it is also a greater commentary on our society. Most people cannot really comprehend what adoption is. That’s fair. I can’t really comprehend a lot of other things either. But it’s usually not the adoption, per se, which is the problem. It’s the fact that we already have two kids – why would we want more? One person even said to me, “How will you take care of four or five kids, much less, send them to college?” I sarcastically replied, “I guess they won’t go unless you help pay for them!” I don’t think he saw my humor.
Why do we want to do this? We have four main reasons.
The Family
While dating Tracey, I would joke that I wanted six children. It was a little bit of joking. I love kids and I thought that to have a house full of them would be fun. Before we married, Tracey considered working in an orphanage in Korea. (I guess I side-tracked her in a way! oops!) But for Tracey and I, children and families are part of who we are. When we could not conceive, we naturally turned to adoption and through a series of events Russia was where we adopted Katerina and Gavrie.
Once we adopted them, I told her I had changed my mind. Kids are a LOT of work! Two did seem like a nice, round number. We now have a boy and a girl, so we don’t need more, right? But as we have gotten these two up and going, we have discussed the possibility of adding to our family. In one sense, we are satisfied with the two kids we have. But in another sense we’re ready for more. I am not sure how we “got there” but that’s where we are. The bottom-line is: We want a larger family.
The Love
Adopting children has been the hardest thing we’ve ever done, but it has also been the greatest thing. The love, acceptance, fulfillment, and joy we experience in our family are simply amazing and when you experience something amazing, you want more of it. We know adopting more children will bring more difficulty, commitment, cost, and even grief. But it will also bring more love, happiness, and richness in life which will add color and depth to who we are as a family, and as people. In the end we believe we’ll receive more love back for the love we give.
The Need
When I asked Tracey about where we would “go” to adopt, she said she wanted to stay here (in The States) and adopt. We have both been concerned that there are so many kids who need families. We have a heart for siblings who need to be placed together. Kids need – and deserve – a loving family.
Given our past involvement with adoption personally and among our friends and family, we know the need exists. We didn’t wake up one morning and through a knee-jerk reaction decide we need to “do something about the orphans of the world.” We have been around this thing long enough for that initial panic to wear off. But we have also been around this thing long enough for the need to sink into our hearts. We have known there is a need. We just needed the call.
The Call
About three years ago, Tracey and I discussed the thought of adopting again. Our kids were getting a little older and she wanted to add to the family at that time so that the kids would have some more siblings. But the time didn’t seem right to me. I was in Seminary; she was working. We needed to wait.
Almost a year ago now, I began to think about adoption again. We have had friends and relatives adopt in the last year and I’m sure that kept the idea alive in our hearts. It began to impact me more and more. At first, I tried to ignore that little voice inside of me, but it continued to talk to me about adoption. The adoption juices began to flow. Finally, I went to Tracey and asked her about it. She grinned and said that she had already been looking into it. Then she proceeded to pull out a stack of literature on domestic adoption! It seems that I was late again. God had already prepared her for what was coming. Honestly, it has felt more like a “call” (something we do that carries with it a greater sense of purpose) than anything else.
Given what I said earlier about being satisfied with the two we have already, I think we needed this call in order to broaden our minds and hearts for what lies ahead. As Christians, we believe God has prepared us for this. I have told people that this is the very nature of God. He prepares us for what he will call us to do. There is never a call without a desire. But neither can we stave off the desire from ever happening. We must be open to “it” – whatever “it” is. We cannot commit ourselves to him and the teachings of scripture without being willing to accept the consequences of that commitment. God’s calling and his commitments are ever widening and ever expanding.
Adoption is the next step for us in the path God has laid out for us. The call he has placed on us gives us that extra “something” we need to keep moving through the process. Honestly, I don’t know how any parent makes it through the day without that call.
Of course, the need itself does not always justify the call. Both must work in tandem or it could be a failure.
Throughout the entire process, it has been one of these four aspects that have motivated us toward adoption. Any one of these alone would be a powerful motivator, but taken together they form a strong web of support as we move through the difficult and emotionally taxing process of adoption.
Will you pray for us during this time?
