Chris Chambers asked me to use one word to describe my feelings or thoughts about my first trip to Thailand and the Mae Saring region of the country. 

I don’t have a word. Perhaps from this list you can help me choose one.

Gentle – the people of Thailand are by nature a gentle people.  You can see it in [most of] their expressions as you walk down the street.  The people are not pushy but kind.  Yes, there are those who make trouble and the country is not without its share of bad people.  But they are a gentle people.

Humble – from the smallest age they are taught to place the palms of their hands together in what we would call a prayer stance, place those hands beneath their chin, and then bow their head slowly and gracefully as they say “Sa wat de kaaaa” [hello, hi, goodbye] – and yes they hold it out like that.  It is both calming and humbling whenever I see it.  No matter how rushed they may be everything stops when they do this and no one fusses.

Different – It’s impossible to walk down the street and see these people who are so beautiful in their own way and not recognize how different they are from me physically.  But then when I walk by a home that has what on first glance might look like a doll house which is ornately decorated, then I know it is a different place.  These little houses are “spirit houses” which contain little “sacrifices,” I guess, that are used to drive away the evil spirits. Oh yes, these people are quite different.  But then again, maybe not.  I keep my lawn manicured to drive off the evil spirit of shame.  I don’t want to be ashamed in the face of my neighbors if the grass gets too tall, [smile].

Respectful – The people are very respectful and it brings that same spirit out in me.

Lost – I listened with wet eyes this morning to the sweet sounds of children singing a song in an unknown tongue.  It was so beautiful that I fought back tears.  As I looked around the room, I noticed a small statue of Buddha presiding over the ceremony.  A cold chill started in my spine and then made its way up my throat.  I coughed to hide my emotion.  Then I thought about how each one of these little ones will die and go to hell if I don’t do something.  Later, I ask “Oh” (the woman leading the song) about that song she sang.  She said a popular actress in Thailand became a Christian and wanted to be a witness to her faith.  That actress wrote that song as both a testimony and a witness.  Oh explained that “God” does not appear in the song because that would be offensive or scary to many.  But in the song, God is speaking.  He asks that they “come back to Him and listen because He is calling.”  Now I really was fighting back tears.  Every child knew every word to the song, but how many know  the God they sing about? [many in this school do but…]  That led me to …

Ashamed – Ashamed that I fought back tears.  I should have let the cry have its way with me.  I should have just let it out because you see I have spent years trying to improve quality, make money, get ahead, study management, apply science, and otherwise “make the world a better place.”  It’s not.  If you look at my pictures on Picasa, you’ll see beautifully manicured rice fields, beautiful children, and beautiful cities.  I love beauty.  A part of me feeds off of it.  But there is nothing beautiful about poverty and lostness.   I am ashamed that I have not done more to win one of these kids to Jesus. 

So I guess my word is unashamed.  Unashamed of Jesus.  Unashamed of the feelings I have for people who don’t know Jesus.  Unashamed of lovely children who need a hug.  Unashamed to ask you to go with me in February to minister missionaries trying to win these people to Christ.  Unashamed that I am ashamed.

Do you have a word?