Thoughts on life's experiences and God's nature by Robby Hyche…

The church has always had an uneasy peace with Singles Ministries. Some churches treat them as an extension of the youth ministry and focus on retreats, programs, and dogma. This works to an extent. Many of us like to travel, go on mission trips, and learn more about God’s word. Those things should always be part of the components involved in a Singles Ministry. But when we think in terms of programming, we end up with titles such as “SAM” (Single Adult Ministry), “YAM” (Young Adult Ministry), or “GAP” (Graduates and Professionals). I was part of a “YAM” group and I have to admit I still like the “GAP” title it seems to describe the class a little bit more. But these titles are still programmatic functions and not organic descriptions.

Once a person reaches adulthood and does not marry, he or she develops a way of behaving which is very independent and self-organized. To try to place that person into a class or program is sometimes difficult to do. My story is perhaps different from many but I fell into the program and then stopped pursuing the next step.

I reached a point in my life where I was no longer taking risks in my relationships nor in my professional life. Look at just about any Will Ferrell movie and it will describe this condition that men get into when we fail to take on a challenge and do something risky. We tend to be perpetually part of a fraternity with nothing but the next party to plan.

That’s why many people would say to me when I was single, “All you need to do is get married. Then you’ll have some responsibility and will get your life together. I can remember people saying to me in another church, “Why do we need a Single Adult ministry anyway? We need to start a ‘how-to-get-married ministry’ and let that fix the problem of the single person.” I think this person was serious.

Apparently, this is the logic of many churches. Some churches I hear are abandoning a Singles Ministry altogether. Sure, they have some small groups which put some single people together and loosely manage those groups into the bigger whole of the church hierarchy, but there is no cohesive focus on making that group a part of the larger church organism. Nor are they focusing on the issues which make a person single. There are people, like myself, who were single because they were indeed waiting on the right one, those who were single because someone else made a different choice and they were either never married or single-again because of another person’s actions.

Marriage does not “fix” singleness. Hear me clearly: putting two single people together who have not learned how to be whole, while single, will never be whole, though married.

Since being named the Minister to Singles at FBCT, I have taken quite a bit of time to think (or rethink) my days of singleness. I was single until I was 30 and had developed quite a few opinions about the situation and what God wanted of us as single people. I have been married now for almost 13 years and have two children. So I am sure my memories of those days and my opinions shaped from my situation have been either lost or corrupted. But over the next few days, I want to rethink, rehash, and reconstruct what I believe about being single, married, and living in community. What do these things mean and what am I supposed to do to lead, help, and minister to those who are single? Anyway, I am going to try to think about these things and I pray for God’s help as I do….

This post is sort of thinking through Genesis 37-50.

It is easy to think of Jacob as a deceiver, theif, coniver, and polygamist. And he was all those things. But he was also Israel. It is interesting to me that he had some issues but then raised a man like Joseph. Joseph was 17 when he was sold into slavery and all he had to go on was what his father had taught him. It’s amazing to think that the man who struggled so many years to rely upon God raised a son like Joseph. His brothers struggled and really did not turn out so well. It makes me wonder if perhaps God had to take Joseph away from his home and put him in the pressure cooker so that he could become the leader he was. I don’t know. But the longer I am a Dad, the more gracious I am toward Jacob. I am certainly no better than he and need God’s grace just as much (if not more) than did Jacob. Joseph’s story gives me hope that maybe in spite of my failures as a father, God will make something of my children.

This is in reference to Matthew 6:5-15. Click on this link to read the passage: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=47&chapter=6&version=31&context=chapter

A couple of days ago I was asked to lead prayer in our meeting at church and when I began to pray I felt a unique sense of God’s presence that morning. I was concerned about a couple of individuals in our group and prayed for them accordingly. The thought hit me that when I prayed that morning I was not simply making an appeal to God for something to happen. God placed upon me the desire to pray for the person who was present. The prayer was for them and their encouragement as much as it was for God to act and work. Too many times I have the perspective that God is distant and uninvolved. Therefore, I must get on my knees, fast, cry, pray, plead, pull, and beg to get God’s attention so that maybe he would stop what he is doing and pay attention to me or my needs (or those of someone else). Fasting, crying, and begging are part of our spiritual lives and need to be done. But they are done with the view that I am limiting myself in recognition of God’s greatness, not as a way to gain divine attention.

God is our Father in heaven. He is working to bring into effect his will on this earth. And he will accomplish it. God is not the detached, ex-officio member of the human race. In his immanence – his presence – he became a part of the human condition and breathes with us as we breathe. So that when I pray as I did that morning I was not praying out of my own superior understanding of my friends. I was praying out of the concern and intervention of God who prompted me to pray as I did and love as I did. This indeed was not me but God.

This is not to elevate myself to some sort of superior spiritual condition. God made the decision to intervene in a way that morning on the behalf of another. If someone else stood in that place I think they too would have been moved to pray for those individuals and pray for them with passion. Make no mistake about it: Prayer is not my seeing a need and bringing God along to the meeting of that need. Prayer is God intervening in our lives to complete his glory and our good. That is the miracle of prayer.